coming up for air

I am on day three of utter exhaustion.

We've moved 2 miles north this last Saturday and it's whipped me good. I have many thoughts I've wanted to share but clearly, when a body is ready for a hard sleep at 7:30 at night, it is unwise to publish more than a brief hello and {wave} at y'all.

If you think of us, would you please pray we'd get it all done? Not just the moving in, but the finishing of this new house as well. There's so much still to do, from finishing base boards to the siding on the outside, to installing lights, mirrors {not a single mirror in the house except my travel 5x5 one...I went to church in glasses, unwashed face, no make up...IT'S BAD!!!} cabinet knobs, flooring...this list goes on and on. I'm way outside my comfort zone (camping anyone?!) and just need to breath and move through one day at a time.

Also, if you have a moment, let me know how you are and how I can pray for you!

much love!

A Full Day

Ethan's Baptism

A day filled with joy for our whole family.

Ethan declares publicly that he belongs to Jesus Christ.

(re:)distractions

I have been so distracted for awhile. SO DISTRACTED! I find myself thinking and praying and asking God for help. It's been rather frustrating. And yet...in all things God works to make himself known, doesn't He?

Today I am one day of homework and one video away from finishing "A Woman's Heart" Bible study. I began in October, so it's been a slow and steady journey. But on this day of homework, as I also had a moment recalling all God has asked of me for this year and the God-sized goals set before me, we turned to Psalm 139:13-18

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you. (emphasis mine)

Isn't God so faithful? Though I am pushing back and setting my mind on things that need my attention (hello, Rachel. You are moving in 11 days!! eeek!) He reminds me that the thoughts and prayers I have are the smallest reflection of His constant thoughts toward His children, toward me! Amazing. I am so thankful. And it has caught my attention enough to meditate on this instead of the other.

One last thing before my super busy day begins, for some new work out music, I bought Matt Redman's 10,000 Reasons...it is just fabulous. Highly recommend it for all. And I love many of the songs on it. This one below has reminded me of my years I told you about a few posts ago. I struggled to know He was always with me. After He, for lack of a better word, proved it to me. I can confidently say "Never once did I ever walk alone, Never once did You leave me on my own. You are faithful!!"

Standing on this mountain top

Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us

Kneeling on this battleground
Seeing just how much You've done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once
Did we ever walk alone
Never once
Did You leave us on our own
You are faithful
God, You are faithful

Evermore
We are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we'll be
Breathing out Your praise
You are faithful
God You are faithful

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once
Did we ever walk alone

Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once
No we never walk alone (lyrics found here)

(re:)ality

lie: 1: to make an untrue statement with intent to deceive; 2: to create a false or misleading impression

deceive: 1 archaic : ensnare 2 a obsolete : to be false to b archaic : to fail to fulfill 3 obsolete : cheat 4 : to cause to accept as true or valid what is false or invalid 5 archaic : to while away

Is there anything worse than believing a lie? A deception that runs so deep it causes you to question everything around you? How do you recover from such a literal earth-shattering experience? I woke up this morning after troubled sleep and feeling so sad in my spirit. And so, I write. We’ll see where these thoughts take us…

In January, in the pursuit of motivation I suppose, Trainer tried to find ways to make us mad. Maybe because I knew he was doing it for that very reason, I laughed. I laughed a LOT through those first sessions. It wasn't all him. He’s been teaching me lots of new things, like a boxing technique called Kenpo and watching me learn these new moves is hilarious! But, OH.MY.WORD! I love, love, LOVE it. Even last night, I smacked talked myself into more boxing work because I was so ready to work out and hit something. Trainer sure did humor me. I am so very thankful. And all three of us laughed a lot...my dear husband (remember him? The Professor?) even encouraged Trainer to make me work harder...then the Prof said that I needed to show my new “moves” to our college students. Uh. I don't think so.

Anyway, a few weeks ago, during a session, I realized how (upset? mad? flat out angry?) I can be when I don’t get truth from people. All I desire when I socialize or serve in ministry or, for heaven’s sake, move around the country, is to know the place from which a person is coming; to try to find a commonality so we can have a basic understanding and foundation for friendship. After recognizing the abundant Mercy and Grace given me and the places from which I come myself, the first born black ‘n white in me has little heart to judge. Just understand. My frustration lies in the fact that transparency is not a universal value. (ironic, huh? Considering I don’t want to judge.) My irritation even took me by surprise. Thinking about it some more, I shouldn't be shocked. (and here comes my desire to understand…wait for it….)

Where in this world is truth and transparency raised as a standard, a banner under which to gather, demonstrated on a daily basis? It certainly isn't in the entertainment world, for we all know that "reality" t.v. is scripted and controlled. So even our thoughts and perception of what "reality" is becomes a drama lived out on the stage of our own lives, seeking the approval of our audience so they'll return for a repeat performance like the latest season of the continuing saga of “The Bachelor.” We could look to politics, but are we naïve enough to think that any of the candidates for POTUS would be able to keep every promise they make, or that the perceptions and image presented to the cameras, the electorate, show all that a politician really thinks or feels? It is the ultimate power-pleasing position when it should be in our representative republic a true People Pleasing calling.

Trainer has me thinking about sports more than I ever have in my life. But how about in that arena? (pardon the pun.) The professionals are paid based on performance. Their lives are up for any gossip magazine to thoroughly chew up and spit out. Their fickle fans are always ready to believe the absolute best or worst about them. And even for someone like Tebow (who is from all accounts I've read consistent in how he lives, speaks, and plays) certainly can’t catch a break from any media outlet.

Y’all. Something has *GOT* to give here. Truth, transparency isn't a game, a t.v. show striving to get the highest ratings so it won't be replaced with a more popular script. We only get one chance, one life to live, to serve, to share the gospel of Jesus. We will not be perfect it at it. I just want to shout that out. WE WON’T LIVE THIS ONE LIFE PERFECTLY!!! But we can live it honestly. We can remove those masks and reveal our tears and broken dreams and angry betrayals and helplessness. We could remember we live in a world where brokenness is all around us in various forms. We can choose to forgive, to let the Father hold us, heal us, strengthen us, revive us. We must pray that God would keep our hearts soft, tender and awake. Stone walled hearts are cold hearts. And cold hearts shrivel up and die.

I wonder how much Believers could impact the people around us for the cause of Christ if we would just keep it real. I know even as Christians it is a struggle to do this. These questions haunt me: Do I believe all that I’ve just written? Do I believe that God will exchange our hearts of stone for hearts of flesh? Do I really believe that living my life for an Audience of One will encourage others to find unmerited, beautiful and perfect love and acceptance from Christ alone? How do I unashamedly follow this call in my current location, bombarded in every aspect of life by visual lies and deceptions?

The answers to the questions are (honestly) varied. My eyes are blind. My heart is wicked. But I can read the Truth and decided to base my life, my thoughts, my words, my attitudes, my actions on Its firm foundation. God has grown my heart, energized my spirit and provided strength for situations I didn’t think I would mentally, emotionally and spiritually survive. I have through last year been torn down and rebuilt so that I understand better than I ever have before what it means to revile people pleasing and surrender to a singular life before Christ (not that I have perfected this, but I am walking in freedom to pursue Him.) And I honestly struggle to do all this in Orange County. What does a Ph.D.’s wife look like? What does her house need to be? How should her children behave? What activities is she involved in? Does she spend $300 on a cute purse because she *thinks* she needs to fit into the culture of her man’s job? My solid assurance, as I keep my eyes on Christ, is His promise to be a Lamp to my feet and a Light to my path so I can take whatever next step He is asking me to take. I cannot succeed one minute apart from Him, though people around me would hardly know the difference at times, to my shame. And should I stumble and fall flat on my face, I know in the core of my being, He will be there, dust me off, speak gently to my heart and nurture and heal my wounded spirit, and most importantly, reset my gaze to the ultimate (re)ality.

We only get one chance. Let's do it well, to the glory of God alone.

(re:)painting

As I sit here and attempt to write, my brain is fried. Not just because it's our Community day for school and I spent 3+ hours attempting to introduce new material to seven amazing and rambunctious boys. But because I have spent the last week on a paint color picking frenzy. Y'all. This is not my spiritual gift...it's not even the side of the brain that is naturally strongest in me. So I *struggle!!* to make our home cozy, warm, welcoming, comfortable. I love what I see in magazines and what other people do in their homes. Then why, I ask, is it hard for me?!?! (and as we hashtag it on Twitter, I totally get that this is a #firstworldproblem, to my shame.)

Perhaps it's lack of experience. I've only had the opportunity to paint 3 houses in my life...well, residences that I lived in as a married adult. This time around, I purchased no less than 23 two ounce samples to put on the walls. TWENTY THREEEEEEEEE!!!!!! And mind you, the house has only 8 rooms. My mind, my EYES, put into overdrive; and last week, I went to bed at 8:30 and 7:30 Wednesday and Thursday night, e.x.h.a.u.s.t.e.d. (This may have to do with the craziness our trainer as put us through. Who knows. I obviously can't think clearly here.)

But I did start thinking about how this process was revealing something deeper to me...aside from my natural tendency to over think things. {smile} My mother often told me growing up, as we moved from place to place, the friends I would make first in our new location would likely not be the ones I had long term. And wouldn't you know, it's been true so far. The paints tended to be the same way. What I thought I loved on paper didn't look right on the walls, with the light, next to the cabinets. As best as Benjamin M00re tried in their color decks, the true wall color could only be seen once it was actually on the walls. {Please tell me someone else is already seeing where I'm going here.}

A friend told me this week she was envious of my "job" regarding paint samples. She loves doing it and I believe her. Y'all are a rare breed. But I appreciate you more than you know. However, I needed to gently say after she (somewhat jokingly) said she was jealous of my life, "Do not be deceived. My life has been very hard for 4-5 years now." And that is the truth. Many of you know it. Apparently, 2007 was the year the Lord thought it was time to ask the question, "Do you really believe...???" My faith had to be put up on the walls of my life...and I didn't always like what I saw, and the Father often said, "Hmmm. That's not quite it. Let's try again." Anyone who walks with Christ is guaranteed to meet trials. We preach that we know they are coming, yet we are always surprised when they ring our doorbell. It takes time, experience, maturity to awake to God's ways in us. He constantly brings "new" and "change" in our lives so that our faith would GROW. So Jesus would become all to us. So that we would be so different from the world by rejoicing in the trials that come to refine us, not complaining as if something strange were happening to us. I know it's confusing and frustrating, especially with the proponents of prosperity gospel screaming into their megaphones that if you're doing life right you will have it all. Yet He, who did not spare His own Son, told us suffering is part of His plan.

In this (see v. 5) you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 1 Peter 1:6-7 (emphasis mine)

and then James 1:2-4

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Where are you in your walk with Christ today? Would you be encouraged to know whoever you are comparing yourself with (and STOP THAT!!) is living with her or his own struggle, whether you see it or not? Based on those scriptures above, we can count on each Believer and Disciple of the Lord Jesus to be on the verge, in the midst, or at the tail end of trial, ever aware the cycle will begin again soon. We can be sure that God is after the perfect color, the radiance of Christ, in our lives. He will not stop pursuing perfection in those who are found in Him. And by all means, let's acknowledge life is hard. A friend reminded me on Twitter this week, there is no "Switzerland" in the heavenly realm. There is a war going on, an Enemy seeking to steal, kill, and destroy. (John 10:10) Pretending life is perfect doesn't edify the Body, encourage others to keep walking after they stumble, or cast light on the way of Jesus for those who don't know Him. It is painful, frustrating and we want to throw in the towel on the whole process. However, as I am learning through all the work our trainer is putting us through, when we get past a very difficult hurtle, we will be able to look back and rejoice in the victory. Spiritually speaking, we will declare with Paul,"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." (Romans 8:18) ...and sometimes get to see the work and purpose God accomplished in us through them here on earth. I can honestly say I am thankful for these last difficult years. I am different, better, and I pray, more Christ-like. Would I repeat them...hmmm. I do not know. And I'll leave it at that. {smile}

I am so happy to sojourn with you, to share my heart and hopefully encourage yours. We were meant to do life together, in all its various forms, and in our day that includes social media. I pray you find strength today in His Word, believe He is "God with us," and rejoice in the knowledge that I and many others are pressing on through the daily struggles, pressing in to Him as he continues to (re:)paint our lives with glorious color.

(re:)acquainting

Hi!

Um. Hola!

Hm. Hallo?

Sure is awkward typing up a first return blog post. I suppose a summary of the last few months would be good, right?

We are nearing the end of house renovation project. We started at the beginning of August and except for about 3-4 weeks, it's taken up the rest of our time. We have been so blessed to have my father in law be the one in charge. Abel has been spending every Saturday there (except over Christmas) working as well. We are so excited to finally enjoy the fruit of our labor...and has it ever been LABOR. I may save it for another time, but there have been several spiritual analogies that came out of this process. We are fully enjoying having my in laws here. All of our family will be sad to see them go. I am blessed to enjoy my husband's parents and my children are sure grateful to have so much time with them during this season of life.

As we've said in previous Januaries, Abel and I have set some goals for this year. 2011 saw me only reach one of my three and I was able to celebrate that goal this last weekend with about 1271 other women. It was so much fun! For 2012, we were able to agree to take serious measures for our health. By God's grace, I found a personal trainer that comes to our house and trains us three times a week for a more than reasonable price. We just love Jonathan and are so grateful for his commitment to serving his clients. Abel and I have already seen significant results. To get me ready mentally read for my new life, I read an incredible book by Gary Th0mas called Every Body Matters. This is NOT a how to book. There are 500 million of those on the market already. This is WHY book. WHY should we exercise, WHAT is the purpose of spending time exercising, and TO WHAT END should I pursue health. These were/are critical questions for me. My time is valuable. My resources are limited. My health concerns are important. However, I have been afraid for many years that this was idolatrous, that taking care of *me* would be selfish. Gary has done an excellent job of correcting my flawed thinking and showing me that up until recent Church history, slothfulness and laziness were considered a big deal. I do want to say too, that Gary does not in any way throw us overweight people under the bus. He reminds us that we have no idea about a person's health circumstances or back ground. And to belittle the way a person looks is to judge them. And that is not our job. We need to look in our own heart and give abundant grace to others. I highly recommend it be read by everyone!

Homeschool has been quite a ride this year. I feel like we're barely hanging in there...Abel and I are already praying about our options for next year. I feel like there are no good answers right now and that is frustrating. I know God is laying a path even now and He'll show us the way when it's time to take the next step.

I am very excited to be on the steering committee for Living Proof Life Long Beach this October. One of my jobs is the Social Media coordinator and as such I'll be looking for helpers...not to mention blogging, faceb00king and Twittering about it. (if you're interested in serving with me, leave me a COMMENT! ;) )

Well, I think this post is screaming "Put me out of my misery!!!" Hopefully, me and blogging will play nice and join hands again. I've missed it. I've missed you. I look forward to getting reacquainted.

(re:)Writing

I may be ready to start blogging again...

Stand by for news!

experimenting...

I've been a little irritated with Blogger...so I'm trying something new and bare my heart over here today. If you click over, would you let me know how user friendly commenting is (if you so chose to do so)

Thanks a bunch. I'll let you know where I end up!

Updated "Helping Alabama"

Friends,

Lora Lynn has posted an update on helping these specific families I mentioned yesterday.

Please click here to give financially via paypal. As she said, THEY LOST EVERYTHING and need everything. Nothing given would be set aside. Rare are these opportunities. Please give as you can. We absolutely trust the Father, our ultimate Provider, to watch over these precious people.

thank you from the bottom of my heart!!
rachel

Helping the South

My heart is devastated for my friends in Alabama. Please lift them to the Father as you go about your next days. So much loss. So many needs.

My friend, Lora at Vitafamiliae, is organizing some efforts for three families who lost everything in Ashville, AL. One family particularly is this one. Several children are in the hospital and one father died. She is needing anything that can be given. A new baby was born just last week. There are several children of all ages and of course the adults. If you'd prefer to give financially to help with generator costs (it needs gasoline) or with hospital/ recovery expenses, we can do that too. If you're interested in helping please email me or leave a comment with your email and how you'd like to participate.

Rise up CHURCH!! Let's us pour out the love of Christ lavishly on our fellow man. At such a time as this.

prayerfully,
rachel

Resurrection Celebration

Happy Easter! Let's Celebrate Eternal LIFE in Jesus Christ!

This video made my international heart thrill. Is there anything like seeing brothers and sisters celebrating the same LORD across the globe? Enjoy!

Rise UP!!

The Fragrance of Spring

I'm home from Church this morning with Peter who has a nasty cold. Thoughts have been running through my head all week as I'm enjoying the early spring beauty that comes to Southern California. (I don't mean to torment my friends still deep in winter!) So while the family is gone and the baby is napping, I thought I'd take time out of a crazy busy homeschooling life, to share how Spring is affecting me this year.

If you've ever been in So. Cal. in January or February, you know Spring is sprung! My neighbor's sweet peas have been blooming for at least 3 weeks now and it's one of my favorite smells. On a Tuesday in February, as I was packing up the car for our CC time, I could smell those buds. Oh, it was wonderful. I came in and told Abel he had to go outside and experience it too! He didn't smell a thing. However, he told me later, he decided to try again right before we all left the house. Taking a deep breath, he was only greeted by the stink of skunk!! Poor man (unless you're my sweet mother in law who happens to like the smell of skunk!) I had a good chuckle on his account.

This last week, the kids and I (and my mother in law) were out walking around our cul de sac and again, the fragrance of the many blooms permeating the air. It truly reminded me of my family's vacation in Hawaii 25 years ago. Funny how smells trigger memories! Providentially, my SSMT verse for March 1st was 2 Corinthians 2:14 (ESV)

But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere.

I was absolutely struck with how my life and this verse were intersecting so immediately! My first observation was that the flowers hadn't moved. God did all the work. They were always in the same location over those many weeks but for a hundred feet, I could smell them. It was pleasant, made me happy, delighted my senses, encouraged me that Spring was here after a cold and rainy "winter." The fragrance is stronger when the wind blows and marine layer (similar to fog) rolls in. How funny when seemingly "unpleasant" weather surrounds us, the smell is more intense! And I noticed last week, the sweet peas had apparently dropped seed into our yard because there is now a large growth in our flower bed.

My heart overflows with the similarities! Wherever we are, whatever kind of season in which we are walking with the Lord, we can fulfill our calling to be this pleasant fragrance that spreads the knowledge of Him...to a hundred feed, or beyond! My dear friend, Lora Lynn, just brought home a baby girl from Africa. And the whole story is so beautiful and encouraging. His Fragrance is all over them in this process. Following their journey, one cannot help but be encouraged by how the Father is deeply personal and concerned about the affairs of His Children across the globe. Even through the difficulties and potential impossibilities, they've shared how they've kept looking to the Father for his leading and guiding!

The storms and seeming unpleasant effects of a fallen world around us will only enhance and extended the smell beyond the singular flower bed. I think of the amazing story of Joanne Heim and the beautiful work of the Body of Christ to love and pray for her and encourage her family. This news, posted in her blog, has now spanned the globe (she lives in Colorado and people prayed for her in Africa, Australia and Asia!) The journey has encouraged people to see the Lord and his Goodness. It's even reformed (dare I use that word?! {wink}) the way angry believers view The Church. Incredible. Only God. And so it is with us, if we will allow the trials and tribulations of life to work His will in us. We too can proclaim His goodness, His mercy, His unfailing Love to a lost and dying world...and even be a fresh breath of life to discouraged brothers and sisters in Christ.

And wouldn't you know, because of the seasonal cycle of those plants, the seed has been planted, sprouted up and producing it's own fragrance in my own yard! (Great Commission, anyone?!)

I must honestly and sadly share, this is not always the case. When Abel took a deep breath and smelled skunk, the beauty of the sweet peas was unrecognizable. If we harbor sin, bitterness, or a bad attitude, any resemblance of our true identity in Christ will be covered up. Oh, that we would quickly put off those things which mask Him. I have been in such a place. I knew my heart was filled with such ugly things. And the sorrow I have over such stench that hurt others and myself. Don't go there, dear friends. Take care of business with Christ so you can be about Christ's Business.

You are loved, dear friends. I pray you are encouraged today. Press in and Press on in the Name of Jesus!

Happy First Birthday Peter!

Sweet Peter,

Today, we celebrate your very first birthday. What a celebration for me and your daddy. All three of us (well, six really) made it. By God's grace, we're here. And we're so excited!

Ah, what a year for you and me. I felt like a first time parent all over again. I only posted part of your birth story...life was too crazy to take the time to write it out and think/process all of it. Your daddy was off to California a week after you were born; and though family was in town to help and our church was standing in the gap too, I was juggling my new life in a new way. The good news is that I "tweeted" and "faceb00ked" your induction. That's a first! So, I can now tell your story, a year later, and feel like I am reliving it like yesterday.

Daddy and I got up around 4:45 a.m. to get to Wesley by 6 a.m. for the induction. I'd not been induced before but we definitely wanted to make sure Daddy was around for your arrival. He had missed the ultrasound and that was so sad. We had opted to keep your gender a secret! That was a first too.

We arrived on time (not too difficult in Wichita at 5:40 in the morning) after Nonnie and Grandfather said farewell. They were staying with your brothers and sister while we were all at the hospital. Checking in was a breeze...easiest by far and that was probably because we were "scheduled" and they pulled all our registration paperwork together this time. Yay!

We didn't have to wait long to get into a room and by 6:54 a.m. the pitocin was going. An hour later, I decided to go ahead and get the epidural. Nothing was that painful yet, but knowing how it can take the Anaesthesiologist awhile to arrive, I thought better now than later. Boy we had a good block this time. However, you were not the biggest fan. By 9:30 you were a bit distressed. I got put on oxygen and they turned down the pitocin. Shortly after that, the Resident broken my water. This seemed to settle things a bit and at 11:17 a.m. I wrote, "Baby doing better, I'm off O2 and pitocin, and all my nurses and husband just went to go eat lunch. Baby just wants to do this by him/herself ;) 5/6 cm, -2/-1 ~ a ways to go still."

Yes, there was still a ways to go. I did try to rest. We had a nice room with a window...again, the first time I'd had a window in delivery. We had had a blizzard in Kansas two days before and it was still very beautiful outside...a LOT different than the 75 degree weather we've had in Orange county this week. Daddy brought his laptop and I checked email and FB. Mostly, I wanted to rest. I prayed too. Just because I had done this before didn't mean I was self-sufficient. And that has been the lesson this year in a nut-shell. About 12:30 p.m. the doc was concerned that your umbilical cord could be compressed, causing your drop in heart rate, your distress. They decided to place an internal monitor to watch this. That didn't hurt but I was getting concerned. My body wasn't progressing and you weren't happy. None of this was as before. My prayers continued to the One who'd formed your yet unseen body. He knew. He cared. I was so thankful for a great group of medical staff. And as it turns out, I finally met the last doc in my practice! All three pregnancies in Kansas, I never saw him. But he came to check on things while my regular OB was seeing patients.

There was the possibility of needing to deliver you via C-section. Oh, how I prayed this would not happen. With the way our life was set up, I didn't know how I could recover from that by myself. Truly, I know that wouldn't have been the case, but I am glad that ended up not happening. The nurses kept checking and moving me from side to side...this and O2 were tools to keep you happy. At 2:21 p.m. there was no change. I was laying down trying to keep fairly still while my body worked but after a while, I remembered that your brother Nate didn't come until I could sit up. So I asked if I could. Doc said yes and so up we went. And wouldn't you know, PROGRESS. In little over an hour, we were ready to go.

Dr. Douthit* made it to the room, though he was "taking his time," as usual. I knew he'd be there, but I kept listening to your heart monitor. Though I was progressing, your heart beat would slow down so much during contractions, it really scared me. Doc was so good. He has delivered all three of you born there. But I think he could read "fear" in my eyes with those contractions...not like with Ethan because of pain and uncertainty for myself. But the fears of what was going to happen to you.

I think we pushed for maybe 12 minutes. It wasn't very long, which was a blessing, but it was longer than your sister. When your head came, though, we did see the cord was around your neck. Not tightly wound, but enough for me to be so glad that all our precautions were taken. You arrived at 4:04 p.m. and weighed in at 7 lbs. 6.5 oz. and 19 inches long. And of course, you were a BOY! We have a picture of you peeing on the Doc as he held you. Such a funny boy from the start.

We named you Peter Marshall, not knowing about the famous congressional chaplain. But Peter from the New Testament is such a role model of loving Christ and persevering through trials. Marshall is a family name, most recently your daddy's middle name. I just love the strong sound of it. And you are strong, my dear boy! You're taking your first steps and I wouldn't be surprised if you walk before any of your siblings did!

Other first year markers:

~you were both a good eater and good sleeper! Six days after your birth you were up 2 oz.

~you lost your umbilical stub on March 4.

~you were rolling from your tummy to your back both ways on March 21.

~you cut your first tooth October 9, your second tooth October 16 and started crawling October 24. (October was a big month for you!)

~you've had chicken pox, an ear infection and several colds, thanks to the rest of your family.

~you've moved halfway across the country.

~you now can say mama and dadda very well, when you have a mind to.

~you L.O.V.E. your puppy, you laugh when I make him "talk" to you, and you won't sleep without him.

~you want to be with your brothers and sister, even when they are outside (which I clearly cannot let you do alone)

~you want to be near people and right now, daddy is your favorite. You woke up saying his name this morning.

~you continue to need scheduled sleep...and getting to a schedule after our move, took MONTHS. We never had a child cry/scream for a full night and then part of a second, without passing out from exhaustion. Hardest thing for us this entire year, hands down, was to let you do it.

~frozen blueberries just about tops all other foods, which is nice because your teeth take for-ev-er to break through.

~you now have four teeth and more are coming...we can tell by your fussiness and drooling!

~you enjoy books as much as the rest of the family.

~your nicknames are "Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater" and "Sugar."

~you look like Nate, act like Ethan, and are mothered by Charis. They all love you and are so very patient with you. This blesses daddy and me so much.

There are so many other things I want to record and remember. But that would take so long and the list could go on and on. As I put you to bed last night, I just loved holding you in the rocking chair. Tears streamed down my face as I thought of how much I love you and how I wish I could have enjoyed this year even more than I did. So many things happened, so many things changed, sweet Peter, and there was no controlling them. But I love you so much and am so, so, so, deeply thankful the Father saw fit to bring you into our family. He loves you even more than we do and we are confident that He will grow you in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ. What a privilege to partner with Him to do so.

Happy First Birthday!

lovingly,

mama